There is not a single one of us who have done something we wish we hadn't or have had something done to us that we wish we didn't experience. But even though we don't choose these things for ourselves, we do get to choose how we respond. Do we carry these bad experiences and cruelties with us or let them go? This simple choice determines our direction in life and how much we enjoy the journey.
I have seen first hand the devastation that comes from not forgiving. How a lovely lady continually sabotaged her marriage and other relationships because she had not forgiven herself for the abortion she had when she was young. At the time, she made the best decision she knew to make, but without forgiving herself she kept making devastating choices to punish herself (and, by extension, those around her). I have worked with people who have stayed in bad relationships because they held on to the past and didn't believe that they deserved better. Forgiveness sets you free, my friend. You can do it! It will be worth the emotional and mental discipline to forgive. God has forgiven us, who are we to not do the same? It isn't easy to forgive. Sometimes it can seem like the hardest thing we've ever had to do. But it is always healing to forgive others who have intentionally or unintentionally hurt you and to forgive yourself for your own misdeeds. You can forgive, replace the pain with love and even become thankful for the hurtful memory. What you go through will change you no matter what, but you get to decide how it changes you. You can let the bitterness poison you or you can forgive and be thankful that you made it through and have gained comfort, strength, and compassion. Take a piece of paper and write down the most important lessons you have learned in your life and look at when you learned them. We usually learn our greatest lessons from the hardest times. Forgiveness gets rid of the emotional sting and lets the good that is filtered go deep into your heart, setting you free to live the life you want to live. From the inner place of your kingdom that you have developed; from the ownership of your life (with all the responsibility and freedom that it brings): from the direction you have determined by every thought, decision and action you take; from the way you walk it out, enduring everything with patience, thanksgiving and joy (if you choose); now you get to enjoy the journey,.
There is nothing like the excitement in the challenge of overcoming, of no longer being a victim no matter what may come your way., well, life takes on a supernatural joy in every moment. When you feel overwhelmed or wronged you have the decision whether you use these tools to find that place of peace, love and joy on the inside. If and when you do you will find that it overflows to others and supports them in a loving way. Instead of "fixing" everything to look and be the certain way you think it should be, you accept what is. You find support, strength and comfort for your self and for others by prayer, vision, and hope rather than letting yourself be a victim of discouragement. The greatest avenue of living a fulfilled life you find will come through the healing power of forgiveness (letting go of the blame and hurt to others and yourself) which is truly living inside out and living free. It is a journey, so take a look at the big picture which goes by quickly in the slowest of ways, and enjoy it, journey well. This poem was given to me from someone who was trying to get her life on track after so many major mistakes. John Burroughs says "You can get discouraged many times but you are not a failure until you begin to blame someone else and stop trying." That being said she started taking responsibility for her choices and this is a poem that helped her get more control over her life and the way it is going.
LETTING GO To Let Go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To Let Go is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can't control another. To Let Go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To Let Go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To Let Go is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself. To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about. To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To Let Go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies. To Let Go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality. To Let Go is not to deny, but to accept. To Let Go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To Let Go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it. To Let Go is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To Let Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To Let Go is to fear less, and love more. Author Unknown And so you have looked inside to see what is there, knowing that ultimately that is all that you have control over and that is what you give out. You recognize that this is your life, your responsibility and freedom to live it on your terms. You determine your direction and you take ownership of that. But what do you do about the people and circumstances that are part of your life that seem to be invading and disrupting what you want to live?
It is still all in your hands. You decide who you are in any given situation. Walk it out with grace and dignity. Walk it out in a way that you can live at peace with yourself and God. This is vital, so important, pay attention and do not miss this...
You are in control of the direction of your life and it is determined by the next step you take. No pressure. Please be careful to make sure that you are going in the forward direction though. Setting the course for your life is easily done when you begin at the end...when the last page is written of your life story, what do you want your book of life to say? Once that is determined the journey is made up of what you do, or don't do, every moment. You can be anyone you want to be in any given situation. You make the choice, no matter what anyone else does, to be kind or mean, to have faith or fear, to encourage or belittle, to complain or do something, to forgive or stay in the bondage resentment. You understand where I am going with this. Even when life doesn't seem to be going in the direction you have set your course on, don't be discouraged but embrace it and be thankful. The little detours may hold the greatest unexpected views and even in these times you can continue on course through your choices, your attitude, and your actions. Keep on keeping on.....in the right direction. With this realization I had the first breakthrough: This is my life!
It isn't for anyone else to live. I am the only one who can fill my place in the world, at this time and place and in this way. Amazingly, this is true of us all, this is where our freedom comes from and also where a problem arises. The problem being that because we are responsible for this gift of life and how we allow ourselves to think and therefore feel, believe, and behave, we have no one to blame for the condition of our own inner world. We are really (and solely) in charge of all that happens on the inside, where we truly live. I know that it may feel like that can't possibly be true--there are so many people, responsibilities, and expectations that crowd in--but we are in charge there all the time. YOU decide what you think on at every moment. You can't shift the blame for what is going on in your mind to anyone else. And other people can't shift the blame to you either. That is the freedom and responsibility that we each carry. We rule!!! The mission is to have all the fun you want in this life.
The way I was going about it though was not getting the job done. It felt like others were trying to run my race and somewhat expected me to be in charge of theirs. Exhausting and impossible. So, what can you do to make this one moment you have to live peaceful, joyful, and moving in the direction you want? From what I have discovered it is by changing direction and Living Inside Out. When you realize that your inner person, your heart, mind, emotions, and therefore behaviors (your kingdom) is where you truly live then you are in charge and can make changes. Otherwise you are powerless to change anything. You can't "fix" others, their reality, their perception of you, or anything else but you can change your own. It takes an investment in yourself: to get to know, like, and be yourself. But it is the great game changer where you get to make life serve you better. |