In an earlier blog post ("Determine your direction"), I wrote about how you should start with the end in mind when you are determining your direction. How would you want the last page of your story to read?
Taking that idea to heart, I pulled out my notebook and pen and began to write my obituary so that I could see if the way I was living would get me to the end I have in mind. Writing my own obituary was more than eye opening, I saw threads that were woven through my life that I had never realized before. For whatever reason it is easier to write about "Beth" than about me. Looking at my life from an outsider’s perspective took away the emotions of what I have lived and allowed me to objectively see myself and my life story. It was a difficult exercise. So much of my life is bound up with the lives of others: my husband’s, my children’s, my friends’, my family’s. I had to unwind their stories from my own. I had to focus on MY life, not the roles that I had played in the lives of others. I was surprised by how often what I started writing was not my story, but actually someone else’s story that only affected how my story evolved. Once I had my focus on my story and my story only, a wealth of stories started pouring out and just couldn’t stop writing. I wrote seven pages before I even got to when I had my children. So many stories and memories that I had almost forgotten, that I had previously set aside in order to focus on the stories of others and my role in their lives. When I was writing, I had to stop and think, stop and cry, stop and embrace the joy and sometimes the sadness that these stories brought with them. Looking at my life in this way has allowed me to consider my present and future in a way I really haven’t before. I could see that this life is MY life and the freedom and responsibility to live it is all up to me. Taking all this in gave me a foundation for the rest of the story. As you live through today and tomorrow and next week and next year and the next 20, 30, or 50 years, stop every once in a while and ask yourself if your obituary is going to read the way you want it to. Gotcha!
It is a true statement though. What we focus on is what gets magnified in our minds. It’s what takes center stage and determines how you experience certain moments of your life. If you give a large chunk of your mental energy over to negative thoughts and obsessive overthinking, the joy you get out of your daily life with surely dwindle. It’s a simple truth, really: If you set out to find everything that is wrong in the world, you are going to find nothing else and leave little room for the good. If you set out to find what is good you will find it and leave little room for the bad. What you think about — what you allow into your mind and what you dwell on — is absolutely under your control. It may not feel like it when you are overwhelmed. You may feel like you have no choice about what to think about, but you are the only one who has that choice and that control. So, the question is what do you want? Good? Bad? Peace? Joy? Success? Failure? This is exciting stuff because You create your world by what you think about. “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson |