The Third Step -- REFLECTING -- takes conscious awareness of the flow in and around us. Often our attention is focused on our own "needs" and we are unaware of our relationships. While driving a car, conscious awareness helps us blend the speed of the car, the winding road just ahead, the ice and rocky condition of the road, and the on-coming traffic into a coherent picture. Now we can flow safely on our way.
We are constantly sending out thought waves, electromagnetic currents and emotional signals. At the same time we are receiving like emanations from everything around us. Whatever we send out is reflected back to us. "Reflecting" requires more than focused attention. It requires conscious awareness of our surrounding relationships (physical, emotional, social, and spiritual). In order for our life to flow on a daily basis, two things are needed. First, a sense of direction or purpose that gives us a reason for living. We must structure our goals, making sure long term and short term goals are attainable, clear, and not conflicting. By breaking the journey into small segments, we can celebrate victory many times each day. The second necessity is to make feedback adjustments. As we study the flow, we see what is working and what is leading us away from our goal. To flow, we must be fluid and flexible...willing to make necessary changes. Don't expect others to do all the changing. Remember, the road is still uphill and winding (for growth), whether we like it or not. Work to set up a Win-Win situation (cooperation not competition). One other word about reflecting...reflect upon your own Inner-Chatter and discover the distortions in your old belief systems. You are the driver and need a mental and emotional road map that is up-to-date (not filled with outdated doodlings from your childhood). Enjoy the ride. The trip is everything! Wherever ... whenever we find our destination ("Heaven") it will be found in the Now. So Many Thanks, Ben Rumbaugh The Second Step -- SURROUNDING -- gives us the energy needed to live a "Heavenly" life. Imagine a glowing white light surrounding you, filling you, and protecting you from all harm. This embracing light warms you, lifts your spirits, and gently pushes you into fellowship with others. What is the secret of the light? It is the power of Love. Surround yourself with total acceptance without judgment. Your Creator has this love for you, just as you are...in this moment.
As you learn to surround yourself with this unconditional love, you accept yourself and no longer need psychological masks to protect your fragile ego (self-esteem). Now you can be authentic...show the real "YOU"...reflecting the image of your Creator in your own unique way. As you warm up to love, you can reflect the light of love to those around you. Being protected by God's unconditional acceptance of you, you can love yourself (and others) and be ready for the challenges this day may bring. This is the freedom of love (Heavenly energy??) The first step -- RELEASING -- is the most difficult. Everything we have learned (tape recorded) in the past is available to make us (or break us) in this moment of time. The past projected into the future can create a crippling mind-set of fear (again in the present moment). By learning the art of releasing, we open ourselves to enjoy living in the eternal NOW (Heaven perhaps??)
Begin by releasing all expectations. Not dreams, but the judgments we make of ourselves and others. Throw away the labels and condemnations we place on people and situations. Stop blaming...get rid of the "Should's" and "Ought to's." And above all, don't expect people, power or possessions to make you happy (is "Happy" another word for "Heaven"?). To make your dreams come true, do what you can today, and release the results. In the NOW, we must release the fears of the future. This becomes easy when we let go of our expectations. As we learn to take responsibility for the present; moment, we find the future is not so threatening. The final releasing deals with the past. As we release the hurts held captive in our memory, we experience the cleansing power of forgiveness (letting those who have abused us off the hook). As we release the painful memories from the past, we must also deal with our feelings of guilt. Make amends when you can, but always keep a forgiving spirit Forgive Yourself. It is only in the present ;moment that we can be healed. The wisdom of the ages becomes clearer when you see how those who share that wisdom live this lives. My Dad was indeed one of the kindest and wisest men that has been alive. You can look at his life, his loyalty, his honor, his love and you can see that his wisdom is worth taking an honest look at to see if you want to apply it to your own journey.
I recently discovered some of his writings and want to share them with you as the life he lives proved his genius. We will start here HOW TO GO TO HEAVEN WITHOUT DYING BY Ben Rumbaugh Sounds impossible doesn't it? We all hope to go to heaven...and everybody dies. Where's the shortcut? Why can't we go to heaven without dying? We carelessly throw words around, with little sense of what we mean. "Heaven" is one of those words. Maybe a better question would be "Can we go to 'Heaven' without really Living?" -- Or is "heaven" any state where we experience the thrill of being "alive?" Someone has said that we forget what we have been taught, and only remember what we have learned. Maybe we can learn how to really "live"...instead of letting our life be shaped by our fear of dying. It may be easier than we think. To enjoy living in NOW, we need to learn to do three things. Key words for these steps are: (1) Releasing, (2) Surrounding, and (3) Reflecting. Notice the "ing" (present participle) endings. This brings action into the present moment, continuous action. Really living is not something you can get perfected once, and then forget it. There are lapses in our "Togetherness," but the constant drive of life propels us into a sea of constantly shifting currents. We must learn to keep on releasing, surrounding, and reflecting. As we judge others we judge ourselves. There are no others so we need to recognize that when we compare ourselves to someone else we are saying "I am not good enough" in some way. Or when we think someone has harmed us and judge them for it or feel angry toward them or hold a grudge toward them we are making a painful attempt to be separate from them. Since we are all God's children and connected through Universal love, disconnecting from any other person becomes more painful as we get farther and farther away from them through hatred, anger, fear, guilt, shame, frustration or any other negative emotion. The only painless emotions are love and gratitude!
In a world where there is harsh judgment bombarding us we have to find a place of peace and reflection on who we are and what we believe. I found this article in all of my many papers that have been tucked away in my desk and thought I would share it over the next few postings.
At an early age, many of us are taught by well meaning care givers like parents, older siblings, teachers, clergy, grandparents and other authority figures that we "should" be different than how we feel or who we are. As we grow up our unique experience3s inform us, socialize us, to suppress our feelings, feel not good enough or to be responsible for the feelings of others. The other day I heard a woman say to her 9 year old son "When you don't live up to your promise to me you make me feel bad." Suddenly this young boy is made to feel responsible for his mothers feelings when clearly it is her decision and responsibility to manage her own feelings. Learning how to love yourself is simple bu it isn't easy. You need to question your beliefs and discover which ones are absolutely true and which ones make you feel bad. It either feels good or it doesn't. Some of us are challenged in this quest as we have suppressed our feelings for so long we don't know how we feel. The simple way to begin getting in touch with your feelings is to breathe. Conscious breathing in itself is an act of loving yourself. by Al Rodee This beautiful young lady, at 5 years old, condensed all that I had been studying and trying to put into words that everyone could understand. As we sat around her dining room table she told her Pop-Pop that "if you can't control yourself, you can't control anyone." Yes, out of the mouth of babes....
The greatest of all control is indeed self-control. You can't be controlled if you control yourself, and because if you don't then someone else will. Self-control is developed the same way as we tone up a weak muscle, by doing little exercises day by day. It is by speaking kindly to someone when they are being rude, putting away your own interests (TV, phone, internet) to talk to a child, acquaintance, friend or family), taking care of the little things in life so they don't become the big things, counting your blessings instead of complaining about your disappointments and a million other decisions we have every day. You can attain great things only in the discipline of attaining small things, days filled with personal victories. As William George Jordan wrote in The Kingship of Self-Control (I love the old writings). "With no useless regret for the past, no useless worry for the future, you should live this day as if it is your only day - The only day to assert all that is best in you, The only day to conquer all that is worst in you." This is the day! How is this for a quiz....are you a real friend? Do you have the emotional intelligence to attract and keep real friends in your life?
Do you accept them as they are rather than judge them? Do you take responsibility for your feelings and avoid laying guilt trips on them for how you feel? Do you show compassion and understanding for their feelings? Do you recognize that everyone is responsible for their own feelings? Do you blame or attack them so that they do not have to be defensive around you? Do you avoid telling them what to do, caring enough for them to have a chance to grow and become strong and independent? Do you respect them enough to speak the truth in love? Do you treat them the way you want to be treated? Be the friend you want to have in your own life. .When I listen to people I hear and understand their frustrations, disappointments, anger, and hurt. I recognize it and relate to it because I have felt (and been overwhelmed by) many of those same feelings.
But the truth is that we are the only ones who can let those emotions overwhelm us and cause us to act in ways that we don't want to. We say things sometimes that hurt and can leave scars on the ones who heard it and on ourselves. These feelings and actions profoundly change us, our relationships and our little corner of the world. Minding our emotions and behaviors is big business. This is how I have determined to Live Inside Out during these times: When someone has disappointed me I realize that I don't have any right to judge someone else. I am to hold them and my expectations of them in open hands. They don't owe me anything and the only thing I owe them is to love them. That can be a full-time job, but as you exercise that muscle of grace it becomes easier. When someone has said or done something cruel or hurtful to me I have a choice: Join them in the pit or step away. If you join them in the pit you have to slug it out and you become exhausted, frustrated, and may never get out of those feelings. If you step away and use your strength to ask God to bless them, you can have your strength renewed, your hope restored, and an exciting expectation for what is to come. You don't have to do anything else as you are free from that hurt. You get to be whoever you choose to be in any given situation, no matter what someone else is or isn't doing. Choose to behave in a way and treat them in a way that you can live at peace with yourself. Choose lovingly, choose wisely, choose courageously, choose kindly. Try it. If it doesn't seem like it is working, try it again. You can do it. See what miracles happen. The greatest freedom you can know is when you take ownership of your thoughts, feelings, behavior and life, of your relationships with yourself, others and God.
You are responsible for how you behave toward another no matter what they are doing. It isn't fair or even true to ever say "I did or felt ____________ because of what you did, or said." It is always our choice and we have to own it. This is so simple but not easy. It is hard and you have to fight for it, you just don't fight others for it, it is our own personal battle. Be who you want to be in any given situation. It is your responsibility and freedom to own it! |